Humans of XX chromosomes

This is just a notebook of every single interaction with a human of XX chromosomes I’ve had. This means I didn’t pay money for the interaction, ie not a barber, teacher etc. Digital interactions are only included if they are more than surface-level, because digital interactions are a dime a dozen. My interactions with men have been much more positive most of my life.

1994, kindergarten: Many interactions with a black female I was friends with, who was missing a few fingers. As well as a white girl named ‘Taylor’. This is Kindergarten, my peak.

1996, 2nd grade: Fattest girl came up to me in class, the first time ever talking to me, and said, “You know, we can be friends if you want, but never anything more than that”. Proceeds to never talk to me again.

1997: “Why do you run with limp wrists?” “Omg you have a lisp too”, from a couple popular girls in school

2004: “Please close your legs when you sit down”, from a female classmate who didn’t like to see my overgrown leg hair.

2005, middle school: Girl at waterpark at the top of a water slide, laughs at me and my friend and pretends to flirt with us in a very sarcastic way. “Wooow we reeaally like your ~~~Reebok swimshorts~~~~”, followed by an insulting laugh. We are both extremely nerdy and they are both skinny and fit. They continue to patronizingly cat call us sarcastically, in a way that is more making fun of us than flirting with us, every time we pass them. This is not misinterpretation on our part, neither of us have autism/aspergers.

2006, high school: As a teenager I go on a 2 month long trip with a band teacher who ten years later gets charged with sexually molesting countless teenage music students, male and female. He tries to hook me up with a female teen while in Ecuador. He has me stay at her place for God knows what reason. Nothing happens.

2006: Girl pushes me headfirst so I fall into a stack of chairs and she proceeds to laugh with the rest of her classmates

2006: Girl tells me to not look at her boobs

2007: Girl mentions she taught me how to draw stars in kindergarten, proceeds to avoid me like radioactive waste

2007: Girl gives me nickname: ‘Billary duff’, as in Hillary Duff. The joke being that I’m like a female or something.

2008, high school: Girl asks “who is that guy you are hanging around, I’d like to meet him”, referring to a basketball athlete type guy I made friends with at a Puritan Christian camp

2008: Girl runs with me at track meetups right after election because I run about as fast as her and the track is not that large, so just circumstantial. She says a few small talk things and I tell her it’s cool we have our first black president. She continues to be nice to me until I slack off on running after a traumatic incident.

2009: Girl asks to take a photo with me at another christian camp, tells me I’m funny and should talk more.

2009: Girl laughs at the fact that some older male students like me during a college orientation in an insulting manner.

2009: I volunteer to help a girl with her science project that involves participants. I help her out and she comes across me randomly again and smiles. She sits next to me at a computer cafe. I immediately leave to go into the restroom until she is about to leave.

2009: Norweigan girl flirts with me on Omegle. I don’t chase her or do anything romantic or sexual with her because she is underage. We become friends instead for a few weeks.

2009: As mentioned in a previous blog post, a morbidly obese woman who cannot leave her bed due to her size starts sending me love letters. Out of morbid curiosity I let her continue. She tries to send me ‘mommy dom’ letters without me asking in hopes of wooing me. I find it weird and I find her gross. She mentions she performs ‘sounding’ with her online 60 something year old bf. I feel nauseous and block her.

2010: Girl interacts with me 4-5 times after I move into her house during college. Becomes afraid I’ll rape her. She calls her dad saying she’s afraid and her Dad tells her to evict me (they were putting off letting me sign the lease). I ask her what I’m doing wrong, she says “nothing”. Next day hear her tell her Dad she’ll call the cops to evict me. I put all my stuff into a former roomate’s car and bolt out.

2011: Fat woman at only party I ever went to ignores me. I’m now on many hard drugs for the first time in my life, mainly to work up courage to go to parties and stuff. Skinny white woman comes to me and asks me to leave the fat woman and drink with her. I tell her I can’t drink (because I was on drugs). The female leading the party feels extremely bad for me because it looks like I’m sad and tries to cheer me up.

2011: I go back to the girl I met at the bar and talk with her in a confident manner all hopped up on drugs. She looks at me bewildered as I was previously shy. She is cordial and then goes back to a group of tall blacks she usually hangs out with.

2011: Woman smiles at me while seeing me running.

2011: Woman shrieks at me while seeing me running, perhaps because it’s nighttime. Takes flash photo of me while I pass her.

2011: Woman smiles while seeing me walk to a salad bar and offers to serve me salad while she is serving herself. I get weirded out and ignore her.

2011: Group of females smile extremely wide at me and compliment me for riding a bike a very long distance to an off campus site. I get angry at them as it was just a bike ride and they previously didn’t care about me, and I give them a scowl.

2011-2017: Various women at various mental hospitals. Too many to list, but all negative with the exception of a homeless Asian woman who brings me things she finds on the ground. Like a chipmunk finding food for a friend. We spend many, many, many hours sitting together saying nothing

2013: Couple of women catcall me in a sincere way while speeding past me.

2018: Weeaboo female emails me asking to talk to me after seeing my vlog about going to a brothel to lose my V-card at 26. We get along, she said she was bullied growing up. We have long conversations. The first time I felt like I connected with a female ever. I’m not into anime but we find each other funny. I draw a picture of her and record myself playing a song for her on the piano (cringe thinking about doing this). She tells me she ‘obviously likes me’, and I ask her to be my online girlfriend after only a few days. She senses desperation accurately and backs away. I guilt trip her and she gives in. She lasts a few weeks and then tells me I’m overbearing and insulting. She acts like she never wants to talk to me again. I worry she is just collecting info on me to gossip instead of actually date me. I tell her I’ll stop talking about her.

2018: Woman messages me on tinder telling me she thinks incels are bad and I give her my snapchat. She argues with me for an hour about feminism and incels and then she wants to sext with me, while she uses some sex toy in the shower. Sends me photos during it. I don’t chase her any further.

2018: Woman messages me on Tinder saying she is fascinated with incels. We talk all night about various things. We meet each other at a Starbucks at night. I’m shaking a bit the first ten minutes. She drops her coffee while nervous. This is my first real date. She mentions she’s non-binary and that she’s scared of women somewhat. We schedule a second date. She mentions she’s had acting training and is a far left winger, as I was. She brings a movie about suicide and we watch it. I don’t want to watch it, but give in. I start crying silently during it and she hugs me. We then cuddle and start to kiss. My first real kiss, age 27. Kiss turns into making out for 5 minutes. I then kiss her forehead and she hops on top of me straddling me, like in a tribbing position on my leg. We start dry humping and I consider taking out a condom and having sex, but we don’t. Because I get overwhelmed and call it off. I try to kiss her again and she closes her mouth and looks at me bemused. We talk some more, hang out, and she leaves, we kiss again. She spends the next few days sending me heart emojis and telling me every detail of her day for a week with many pics of her job and her dog etc. After a week she ghosts me after I reschedule the third date because my family was staying over the night she was going to come. She proceeds to sort of doxx me in an anti-incel group a few months later.

2018: I buy thousands of dollars worth of nice clothing. I end up in the mental hospital again, but with the nice clothing. A slightly pudgy girl there likes me and tells me she wants to bring the movie Ponyo for us to watch together. I’m a bit too scared to do that but luckily I leave the hospital before her parents bring in the movie.

2019: Weeaboo woman comes back to me telling me she learned how to masturbate and various very personal stories. I tell her I’m depressed and don’t want to date.

2019: Woman stalks me for a bit and wants to video chat with me. Says she has a boyfriend but is polyamormous. After a few months she says she had a dream where we were kissing. We proceed to e-date for many months. She is into DDLG, I’m not. She is into psychiatry, I’m not. My “friends” all hate her. I bring my “friends” onto a group call to talk to her because she wanted that for some god damn reason. I boot one of them off from the call because he says she looks like her face has a genetic disorder. He then proceeds to threaten to kill me very specifically, which I screenshot and then threaten to call the cops on him. I then stop another guy from memeing the whole thing. I distance myself from those guys. I continue dating her. A few days after that she tells me she loves me. I don’t love her. And didn’t even before the last incident. She gets extremely upset. We still date for a few more months, but I call it off. I spent the whole relationship just catering to her so I could be in a relationship, I felt no super strong connection to her. But she is very nice to I keep up a friendship sorta.

2020: Mostly nothing and not too upset about it.

One thought on “Humans of XX chromosomes”

  1. This post is so absolutely sad. So many people were awful to you for nothing. That story about the girl saying she’s afraid of you and wanting you out of the house is especially enraging. Men are treated like predators even when they aren’t doing anything wrong.

    You didn’t deserve any of this and I’m sorry. I know that doesn’t do a whole lot, but if it’s worth anything at all, I found this post incredibly moving and reading it made me wish the world was very different.

    Like people are always shitting on incels, but I bet most incels have a laundry list like this, just a freaking catalog of weird, uncomfortable, or downright cruel interactions with women.

    (Also, it takes a lot of bravery to write something this vulnerable. It’s well-written and evocative, and kudos to you for putting it out there).

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